[Model in Rubber Dress]

It's a cliche perhaps that men's fantasies seem to revolve around images and body parts, whereas women's fantasies revolve around textures/smells and relationships. And yet, I found this to be true for me.

Normal pornography seems to work for guys in that they imagine themselves being sexually (or otherwise) involved with the models shown, so they are identifying themselves as those women's (or in the case of gay pornography, men's) lovers. When I looked at these images, I imagined myself as the models themselves. Once I began transition, there was no need/desire for this, as I was becoming the woman I needed to be.

You know, the "easy" part of my sexuality was in realizing that I'm bi-amorous. It's been much harder to figure out what turns me on, or at least to own up to it.

It all seems a bit like a cliché for a transsexual person to admit to, but I find pictures like the one to the right sexy. That's right, I look the look and feel of latex, rubber, and lycra. Lycra, well it's comfy and convenient, but not very sexy. Latex and rubber, well, yeah!

Trouble is that when most people think of rubberwear, they also tend to think of bondage stuff too. I know from experience that I'm not into bondage much at all. And so, "fetish" stuff in general gets associated with transvestism, and transvestites (in general) lack credibility because of this.

This is why lots of TV support groups distance themselves from the sexual elements of dressing up. And until recently (maybe just few day, from when I'm first writing this) so did I. You see, I wanted my gender to be taken seriously, not as some "weird" sex kinkyness.

But playing it safe doesn't mean a happy time, and if I get in denial over something like this, it really puts a damper on potential sexual satisfaction doesn't it. So I freely admit, now, that I'm into rubber wear. Hmmm, not that uncommon either I suppose, but I get really shy about this kind of stuff. It's a lot easier to talk about gender in general terms, but awkward when talking about turn-ons. I'm just shy in this way.

Of course the reality is a little bit more mundane. I haven't had that much experience in wearing latex. I once swapped an airbrush for a home made rubber skirt. It fell apart around me when I tried to dance in it! *Sigh*

I mean, I don't have a figure like the image at left, but then again few people do. Maybe that's beside the point. Truth is, I just don't get out that much, what with having my car off the road and university study and everything. See, now I've been doing fibre-art as well, where I could experiment with latex, and I've done nothing with it! Experimentation, that's the key, and better social life too.

I've always been a bit of closet goth, and fascinated with the gear. And I find that a lot of Goths are into latex too, as an "interesting" fabric. Maybe that's an avenue I should explore . We'll see...

 

...Saturday, 4 September 2004

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